Detecting Denial, Detecting Courage
by HayleyElissa
Summary: A new Sergeant arrives at SVU, and she turns everything Olivia knows about herself upside down.
1. Chapter 1

Gracie's POV

Leaning against the wall outside the precinct, I puffed hard on my e-cigarette. These days, I only ever craved a real one when I was highly stressed, but I was highly stressed. I had no idea why I'd agreed to this, I was perfectly happy where I was. Homicide suited me. It was tough, and there were cases that I'd struggled with, but I felt fulfilled there. As awful as it sounded, a dead victim was so much easier to deal with. The ordeal some of them had probably endured was horrific, but they weren't alive to tell the story. And that's what had lead to a change in direction with my career. I'd been absolutely fine. From the moment I'd started with SVU in Brooklyn, it had felt like I'd found my home. I loved it. Difficult at times, yes. Harrowing even. But it had felt like I finally belonged somewhere. That was until... Damn, now was NOT the time to start thinking about that. With a deep breathe, I shoved my e-cigarette into my bag and walked into the precinct. After being directed to the right floor, I stepped off the lift and reluctantly walked towards the squad room. Giving myself a moment to observe from the sidelines, I took in the surroundings. It was a much nicer space than what I was used to and, better still, things seemed relatively quiet. A pretty blonde was staring intently at something on her computer screen and I let myself admire her for a second, before reminding myself I was here to work, not check out the women. A lanky guy with a terrible slicked back hairstyle wondered past, and stopped when he saw me.

"Hey, can I help you?" he asked. There was something about him that I instantly liked. An air of innocence surrounded him, and he had kind eyes. Perfect for talking to traumatised victims.

"Yeah, please. I'm looking for Lieutenant Benson, I think she's expecting me. I'm Sergeant Eversley, I've been assigned here temporarily." "Aah, our new Sarge." He stretched out his hand for me to shake.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Detective Dominick Carisi, but I prefer Sonny." I took his hand. "It's nice to meet you too. But it's only temporary Sonny, so don't get too attached" I said with a grin. At that moment, a woman appeared almost out of nowhere, and I'm sure my heart literally skipped a beat. Her subtly highlighted dark hair swept in curls and sat on her shoulders. She had beautifully tanned skin and brown eyes that I was positive I could drown in. Her curvy, toned legs seemed to go on forever, accentuated by her skinny jeans and chunky heeled ankle boots. I'd never been one for big boobs but damn, they looked good on her. Her lips weren't plump, but were in perfect proportion to her face, incredibly kissable. In short, she was absolutely stunning.

"Hey, Lieutenant, this is our new Sarge. TEMPORARY Sarge" he grinned, looking at me.

LIEUTENANT? Well this was inconvenient.

Olivia's POV

An hour into the morning and it was slow, just what we needed after the Hopkins case. Thank God he was pleading out. It had taken a toll on everyone, made worse by being a man down. I walked out of my office to get a coffee, and spotted Carisi talking to a tall blonde woman so made my way towards them instead. I saw them shake hands and wondered if she was the new Sergeant. I didn't know much about who we were expecting, only that she'd done two years with Brooklyn SVU before transferring to homicide. Apparently her CO at the time was more than surprised when she asked for the transfer. I'd been told she'd been really great whilst she was there, but that didn't mean much. I approached them and she turned to face me. She was striking, and I couldn't help but notice her eyes roam down my body before coming back up to meet mine. I felt myself blush, and hoped she didn't notice.

"Hey Lieutenant, this is our new Sarge. TEMPORARY Sarge." Carisi grinned at her, like they already knew each other. I smiled, putting my arm out.

"Hi, Lieutenant Olivia Benson. It's good to finally meet you."

"Sergeant Gracie Eversley" she said with a smile that danced in her eyes. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as we looked at each other, before I realised our arms were still outstretched and I pulled my hand away. I suddenly felt very unsure of myself.

"Carisi, why don't you give the Sergeant a tour of the squad room and introduce her to everyone? I'd do it myself but I'm snowed under with paperwork." I gave her an apologetic smile and turned around towards my office. SNOWED UNDER WITH PAPERWORK? I had no idea what had just happened, but I did feel the need to sit in the safety of my office to compose myself. I shut the door and took refuge in the chair behind my desk, watching as Sonny introduced Eversley to the team, and I couldn't help but smile at his puppy dog eyes. He was clearly smitten, and it was easy to see why. I watched her chatting to everyone, like she'd known them for years. There was something about her. She looked young, early 30's, but gave off a strong air of maturity. She had big, green eyes that invited you in, and her long blonde hair fell in natural loose curls over her shoulders. She was tall and extremely slender, but toned and curved in all the right places. ALL THE RIGHT PLACES? I had never noticed a woman this way before. Admired them, yes. I could appreciate a sexy woman when I saw one. But this was different, and I felt extremely confused. I opened my laptop and put my glasses on, diving into paperwork to distract myself.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! This is my first go at writing, but I was so inspired by other people's stories, I wanted to have a go myself! Sorry the layout isn't great but I'm using my phone and its taking me a long time to edit my uploads.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I do plan to make the next chapter longer!

—

Gracie's POV

As soon as they walked in, I knew. I'd taken some files from the squad's latest case and was sat going over them. It was brutal, but unfortunately what I needed to reacquaint myself with SVU. I happened to look up and saw a woman, around my age, pulling a a little girl behind her into the squad room. She was 5, maybe, with long dark hair, right down to her waist. She glanced up and looked right at me with big blue eyes, and I was positive I'd never seen such sad eyes in a child. This wasn't my first rodeo, I'd seen lots of abused kids whilst I was working SVU, but there was something about this girl that was woman looked flustered and her cheeks were tear stained. I wondered over to them slowly, until I caught her eye. She was vacant, and her pupils were like pin pricks. Before I had a chance to say anything, the woman grabbed my arm.

"Is this where you come to report abuse?" She asked, still holding onto my arm like it was keeping her from falling.

"It's okay, try and breath. You're in the right place." I gently placing my hand on hers. "Shall we go somewhere more private?"

"She nodded frantically, and I realised Sonny hadn't done a brilliant job of showing me around. Turning around, I caught Amanda's eye, who had been hovering nearby. She understood straight away, and I introduced her.

"This is Amanda. Amanda, this is..." I trailed off, looking at the woman to introduce herself.

"I'm Gina. And this is my kid, Sky" she looked down and, despite the fact she was high, her eyes were full of love. I crouched down to her level and smiled.

"Hey Sky, I'm Gracie. Would it be okay if Amanda and I hang out with you and your Mom for a bit?" She looked down, hiding behind her hair, but gave a small nod.

"Awesome. Amanda's going to take you to a room, I'll just be a minute."

I headed towards the Lieutenant's office. I hadn't seen her all morning, and the door was closed. I knocked and waited, not really knowing the etiquette she liked when it came to entering her office. All CO's were different. She stood and walked towards the door, and my eyes were glued to the way her hips moved. My gaze trailed up her body and settled on her face. Fuck, she was hot.

"You don't have to wait", she said as she opened the door and headed back to her desk. "No-one else seems to."

We smiled at each other, and I held our eye contact, letting a spark fly between us. She blatantly blushed and looked away, smiling inwardly. I had a good gaydar and she was definitely straight. Yet I made her uncomfortable, and couldn't help but enjoy it.

"So, we've caught a case. We've got a Mom here with her daughter and she wants to report abuse. I'd say she's high on something, probably heroin, but she's really upset and something has clearly happened to the girl." Olivia shook her head, her expression pained.

"Where are they now?"

"Amanda has taken them to a room. The little girl is called Sky and, seriously Lieutenant, this child is damaged."

"Okay... well get a brief idea of what's happened and then split them up. Do you know where the children's interview room is?"

I shook my head and she walked out of her office. I followed and, despite the situation, I couldn't keep my eyes off her ass. FUCKING HELL GRACIE, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. She showed me where to take Sky once I knew what was going on, and went back to her office to ring the ADA that worked with child abuse cases. I knocked on the door that Amanda had taken them to and, taking a deep breath, walked into the room.

Olivia's POV

I was stood at the two way mirror, looking in at the children's interview room. My new Sergeant had spent the last three hours with the girl. She'd brought her out for drinks and snacks, and had played games with her, careful not to continuously bombard her with questions. Her patience was admirable, and she definitely knew what she was doing. She'd been at Homicide for three years, yet with the way she was handling this traumatised little girl, it was hard to believe she had ever left SVU. I was still looking at her in an unfamiliar way, enjoying watching the way she moved, and the look of genuine compassion in her eyes as she spoke to the victim. She did something to me. I didn't know what, and wasn't prepared to entertain that question. I was trying my best to focus on Sky, who was slowly starting to open up. Her story was an sad one. The mother was on heroin, something she was very open about from the beginning, and had been seeing another drug addict. She'd explained it was nothing but a convenient relationship, pooling two social security checks for their habits. Half of me was angry at the dangers she'd put her child in, the other half respected her for her honesty. It was bad enough that Sky had been living in a chaotic environment, rarely bathed, or dressed in clean clothes. Often going hungry. But Gina had woken that morning, earlier than usual. She got up to look for the scum she'd brought into her daughter's home, to find him in the bathroom with her. She was stood, completely naked and crying in pain, whilst he was penetrating her with a finger and pleasuring himself. According to Gina, she'd screamed at him, started hitting him, and he'd punched her, before taking all the money in the apartment and taking off. She'd questioned her daughter, begged her to divulge how long he'd been doing it, what else he'd done to her. But Sky had just looked down, saying absolutely nothing. In a blur, she'd got them both here (although not before having a fix, I noted). Sky had sporadically divulged the things 'Daddy Denny' did to her over the last few hours, and had vaguely described the conditions she was living in. She'd also drawn some pictures and, whilst playing with some dolls, the Sergeant had coaxed her into demonstrating some of the things she had endured. A lot had gone on over the past few hours. Warrants were issued, and soon the Squadroom was filled with the familiar buzz of each of my detectives committing themselves to apprehending the vile man who had destroyed this little girl's innocence. Rollins and Carisi had gone to the house as uni's were securing the area surrounding it and got CSU up to date with everything they were looking for. They had reported back to me that the house was disgusting, Sky's bedroom filled with nothing but a mattress, dirty sheets, and a few broken toys scattered about. Their next task was to try and find the Perp, which was never easy when they were homeless. Fin was gathering every bit of information he could about Denny once Gina finally remembered his surname. Child Services had been contacted and they were sending a case worker over to us. The ADA had been caught up with an old case but was now en route and she had told me to hold off taking Sky for her physical examination until she arrived. So here I stood, after delegating, watching the interaction between the child everyone was trying to protect, and the woman I was involuntarily drawn to.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! Thanks for reading, makes me happy :) I'm sorry this chapter isn't longer, like I said it would be, but I hope you enjoy it.  
__I also wanted to add that I am from England so I hope the terminology is all right._

_Rated M for future chapters..._

Gracie's POV

This wasn't good. I had one hand on the wall and was bent over, desperately trying to catch my breath. A gentle hand on my back startled me and I turned around as i quickly straightened myself up. And there she was. Her beautiful brown eyes full of concern, mixed slightly with curiosity.  
"You can breathe. Pull it in, through your nose, out through your mouth. There you go."  
Her hand was rested on my shoulder, and i suddenly yearned for her closeness as my breathing steadied. I should have been embarrassed. Public displays of emotions were pretty much everything I wasn't, but I felt completely comfortable, stood there in front of my new lieutenant in all of my vulnerability.  
"Thank you. I'm sorry, I just..."  
"I know. These cases are the hardest. I'm sorry I threw you in at the deep end."  
I had held that little girls hand through the whole, completely horrendous exam, and her grip could not have been tighter. No one, child or adult, should ever have to endure such an invasive ordeal. Their bodies would never feel like their own again, and I'd always wondered if that was worse than the assault again.  
"No, it's not that. I um... I..." I trailed off, words suddenly lost on me. She waved her hand, but not in a dismissive way. It was reassurance that she didn't expect me to offer up an explanation.  
"Look, why don't you call it a day? It's been a long one."  
I could feel my normal self returning, and I couldn't help but let an impish smile flash across my face.  
"Why don't you call it a day too and let me take you for a drink? To unwind, I mean." I purposely took a beat before adding that. She was unable to hide the subtle blush that crept across her silky olive skin, and she unconsciously fiddled with her hair as she looked away.  
"Thank you, but my day is far from over. Go. Take some personal time."  
Just when I thought she couldn't get away from me quick enough, she turned back to face me as she was walking away.  
"I'm glad you're here, Sergeant Eversley." She smiled and I watched her walk away, those damn hips teasing every sense in my body.

Olivia's POV

I stared blankly at my computer screen, the same risk assessment having been staring me in the face for the last hour. I took my glasses of and pushed my palms to my forehead. I'd learnt a long time ago that when my head began to feel tight, I had to stop. Tension headaches had become a common problem a while ago and I was taking enough aspirin to destroy my liver.  
I couldn't stop thinking about her. The way she'd looked when she was having that panic attack. The way she'd let me see her that way with no apology, when one day with her had taught me wasn't her natural instinct. And the way she had quite blatantly flirted with me, inviting me for a drink. Being honest with myself, I hadn't turned her down because I wanted to get this work done. I had turned her down because I wanted to go. _Really _wanted to go. And so I had walked away, because that's what I do best. The first sign of feeling anything other than passion for my job, and I run as far away from it as possible. I'm not sure if it was even the fact she was female. As unfamiliar as it was, it felt natural, but it was something I wasn't even going to _start_ to entertain. I looked up to the ceiling of my office and sighed. Tea. Sweet tea cured everything. I stepped out of my office, just as she was walking into the squad room. She had changed into bottle green skinny jeans with a mustard shirt tucked into them that made her eyes look like two huge sparkling emeralds. I wanted to feel annoyed that she was here, when I'd told her I needed to work. But I was too drawn to her, too in need to be close to her, and I slowly made my way to where she was stood.  
"So, it's true what they say," she said, cocking her head slightly. I arched my eyebrow, genuinely intrigued.  
"Married to the job," she clarified, grinning. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, then turned to go and make that much needed cup of tea. I pulled out an extra cup and held it up to her.  
"I'll take a tea with milk and sugar. I'm not a good cop, coffee makes me anxious."  
I started making two teas and she came and stood next to me, close enough that I could hear her breathing softly.  
"Looks like your not a good cop either."  
I kept my eyes on the drinks I was making, not really sure what to do next. This woman, that had walked into my squad room a mere 12 hours earlier, was turning me inside out. She put her palms on the counter and lent her weight onto them, turning to look at me.  
"You know, I can't work you out, Olivia. You're..."  
"I'm what?" I snapped, taking a step back and turned to face her. "Your boss?" She stood up straight and held her hands up.  
"You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow, _Lieutenant._" She turned quickly on her heels and walked away whilst I inwardly shouted for her to stop. But I couldn't. Because I couldn't let her cross that line. _I _couldn't cross that line. I dumped her tea in the trash and, putting an extra sugar in mine, went back to my office to stare blankly at my laptop screen for another hour.


	4. Chapter 4

So, finally a longer chapter as I promised. I'm sorry the last chapter was all in italics, I only realised when someone mentioned it in a review. It wasn't intentional!  
I am taking some artistic licence and changing a few things from the real SVU. In this fanfic, Olivia never adopted Noah, and I've elimnated the Olivia/Lewis storyline.  
This is mainly due to future chapters, that will come if people carry on enoying this story! Thanks so much for reading/following/leaving reviews. It makes me happy :)

Gracie's POV

"Can I buy you a drink?"  
I turned around to the woman that had suddenly appeared at my side. She was my type. Tall, dark, long legs. Everything I would usually be extremely interested in. Interested until they wanted my number the next day, that was. I had three rules. Rule One - Always go back to her place. Rule Two - Give her the night of her life. Rule Three - Never give her my number. I had a type, but I was by no means superficial. Long legs caught my eye, but the way a woman held herself, the personality she projected to the room, that's what I found sexy. Tonight, things were different. I wasn't looking for a one night stand. Then again, this woman was hot, and maybe I could fuck my new Lieutenant out of my system.  
"No", I said, holding her eyes with mine. "But I'll buy you one."

Waking up in a foreign bed wasn't actually that foreign to me at all, but this morning I had absolutely no idea whose bed I was in or where I was. Once I could see properly, I turned to look at the sleeping body beside me and, to my dismay, it wasn't the same woman who had first approached me at the bar last night. I never, ever got so drunk I couldn't remember. I like to be in control of myself, my actions. But I was nursing a sore ego. Quite honestly, I was also nursing some hurt feelings, something that felt extremely unfamiliar. I had spent the last two years of my life keeping everyone and everything but work at arms length. And up til now, it had been enough to hold myself together. So this, this feeling of passion that even the thought of her evoked in me, scared the hell out of me. She could go from fierce, to gentle, to compassionate, to damn right cold, all in a matter of moments. The way she was so good at breaking the perp, and saving the victim, all in one fell swoop was mesmerising. And God, did it turn me on. I had seen it. Right before my eyes, yesterday. She held that girl, and made everything right in her dark little world, just for a moment. Yes, it was me who had built the connection. Me she had reached out for when that God awful exam was looming over her. But Olivia... when she had crouched down and looked at Sky, that little girl was instantly drawn in. And as was I. When she looked at you, she _really _looked at you. Like she was exploring the depths of your soul, with those eyes that could tell you 100 stories, all at once. And fuck me, it made my stomach flip. Shot a desire right through me, and down into my aroused core.

_Aaaargh. _I needed to get out of this apartment, now, before I had to deal with the awkwardness of leaving whilst my latest conquest was awake. I was about to do the walk of shame. I just wasn't sure if that was walking home in last night's clothes, or walking into the squad room of my new Lieutenant.

I was pretty stressed out by the time I stepped into the elevator.  
_"I'm what? Your boss?"_  
I'd literally been playing what had happened the previous evening over and over in my head. This woman had me in a spin. There was a spark. Too big to ignore. But apparently that's exactly what she wanted to do. She was hiding behind her authority as my CO, but I knew that that was just a very convenient excuse. Problem was, excuse or not, I had been completely inappropriate last night and deserved her pissed reaction. I hadn't necessarily had any sort of agenda when I'd gone to see her. I just wanted to be near her, talk to her. I wanted to get to know her away from the heaviness of the job. But the moment I saw her, primal instinct kicked in, and I had stood just a little too close. Flirted, enjoying her blatant need to keep her body trained away from mine.  
I took a deep breath as I turned the corner into the squad room, hoping that my captain wasn't there waiting to drag me back to Brooklyn. But things appeared relatively normal, relaxed even. Amanda and Fin were sat in the bullpen, arguing lightheartedly over something they were watching on the TV. Sonny was sat at his desk, frowning at the screen of his laptop. I really liked him. There was a lot beneath that innocent demeanour, and he was extremely passionate about his work at SVU. He'd done a really good job yesterday, working the perp. Left him jonesing for long enough to drag a pretty indifferent confession out of that piece of scum.  
He looked up as I headed for the desk I'd been assigned and he gave me his lovely, lopsided grin.  
"Morning Sarge", he said, standing up. "Coffee?"  
_"Looks like you're not a good cop either." _Fuck, even asking for tea was making me squirm.  
"Sit down, let me make you one. I'm still trying to make a good impression here, Sonny. You gotta help me out a bit." His grin widened and he sat back down whilst I wondered over to make our drinks. Just as I was doing so, a slightly flustered looking Olivia Benson rushed into the squad room, and I had to shift myself quickly to stop us colliding. Time stood still for a second as our eyes met, and she realised who she was looking at. She looked tired. Beautiful, but tired. This woman could act hard, but her eyes were too expressive, and I assumed would always give her away. Which is probably the exact reason she quickly looked away from me, and carried on towards her office whilst I tried to keep my eyes from looking at those perfect legs.  
"I'm sorry I'm late guys." She looked across at Fin and Amanda, who had remained relaxed at the arrival of their CO. "So I take it all reports from yesterday are done and on my desk?", she asked, annoyance in her voice. They both jumped up and moved towards their desks.  
"Sorry Lieu, got a little distracted. Almost done with those reports, though."  
"Well don't let almost take too long." And with that, she went into her office and closed the door. Amanda blew out some breath and looked over towards Sonny and I.  
"Please tell me one of you guys can save my ass with this."

Olivia's POV

I was running late. And just how it always was when you're running late, the world had been working against me. The coffee line was long, traffic was bad, and I'd spent the whole time with my cell glued to my ear, arguing with the ADA who was working the case from yesterday. I liked her, she was a brilliant advocate for abused children and fought hard to get justice for them. But despite an airtight case, she was dragging her feet due to the credibility of the Mother, and I was pissed. It wasn't helping that their were other things affecting my mood today. I was sleep deprived, after tossing and turning for most of the night.  
_I'__m her boss. She's a woman. I'm her boss.  
_I had kept repeating this to myself, over and over. I was so confused by this woman. Yes, she was stunning. Yes, her body looked incredible when she moved. But I worked around women like this all the time, and had never thought about any of them in this way. I had never thought of any woman like this. It wasn't even because she was being so flirtatious with me. I had felt something the moment her eyes had roamed over my body yesterday morning. I had never really thought about my sexuality before. I remember my first crush. His name was Henry and I remembered how my body turned to Jello every time he had so much as looked at me. My best friend Amelia and I had spent hours obsessing over him and his best friend, Jake. I'd become sexually active at a young age. Doing beauty pageants all through highschool meant I attracted plenty of attention, but I was into older guys. Any shrink would have loved to tell me how that all stemmed back to my father, but whatever the reason, guys my own age had seemed so young. I craved a man, who was tall, with big arms that made me feel safe when he held me. And that was what had always turned me on. A hard naked body against my chest, muscular hips grinding into mine, our bodies connected as my nails raked down his back...  
Whilst I was wide awake last night, I'd imagined what it would be like to be together. I'd imagined doing things to her, and her doing things to me. And it had both excited me and terrified me in equal measures. No, Gracie wasn't physically broad, with big strong hands. But it didn't seem to matter. I barely knew her, yet I was sure she had more strength than any of the muscular men I'd been with. She had a big ego, but unlike the men I'd dated that had been egotistical, it only made her more attractive.  
I was in a pretty bad mood by the time I stepped off the elevator and rushed towards the squadroom, and as the world was continuing to conspire against me, I nearly collided straight into the woman that had kept me from my sleep. She swiftly moved to the side, her surprised expression turning to one of apprehension when she realised who she had nearly crashed into. Usually so sure of herself, she looked awkward, and guilt crept into the fire that had ignited in my stomach. _Move. Just keep moving. _I just needed to get into my office, the office that had offered me a sanctuary so many times. As I headed towards it, I spoke to my team in a way they really didn't deserve, barking orders at them which was something I rarely did.  
Once inside my office, I let out the breath I didnt realise I was holding.  
_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck._  
I was acutely aware that, as her boss, it was my job to stop this from happening. But God, I hoped she would meet me halfway. I was spinning, I was confused, and I wasn't sure that I was in control of this situation at all.


	5. Chapter 5

So, I'm sorry there has been such a massive gap since my last update. I couldn't believe gow long it had been! Season 19 finally came out on DVD over here in England which inspired me to get back into writing this fanfic. Am uploading two chapters. I hope you enjoy, please leave reviews! :)

Olivia's POV

"He took the deal," Barba said, sinking back into the sofa in my office and crossing his legs. "Thanks to his incompetent attorney. I wasn't confident of a conviction. This has to be the quickest case we've closed in years."  
I was trying to listen, but Sergeant Eversley was stood on the other side of the glass behind him in the squad room, speaking to a uni with that intense, sincere look that I had grown to know well over the past two weeks. I had soon learnt it was genuine sincerity, caring deeply about what she was being told, no matter how trivial. She had her long blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun at the nape of her neck, and I momentarily imagined kissing the exposed skin between her ear and the beginning of her loose white top.  
"Liv? You with me?" Barba asked, breaking me from my thoughts. I dipped my head slightly, letting my hair fall forward to try and hide the blush I could feel creeping over my face,  
"Sorry," I said, closing my laptop, trying to keep my eyes trained on anything but him. "Good. Good, I'll go and see Lara now."  
I stood up, taking my glasses off my head, reaching for my purse with one hand and picking my cell up with the other. I was careful to keep my gaze averted from Barba. He was more than our ADA, he was my friend, and it was a friendship that I had come to cherish over the years. We had established an ability to separate our working relationship and our private one, and he knew me better than probably anyone else in my life. I respected him on many levels. He took on cases that most ADA's wouldn't even begin to entertain, and not for any sort of political agenda. Everything he did came from a place of great moral, and passion for justice. He stood up, blocking my way to the door to my office.  
"You're distracted," he stated simply. I finally turned my head up and looked at him, his familiar face giving me a desperate need to confide in him. He had supported me hugely through various trials and tribulations over the years and vice versa. But this felt different. It _was_ different. I was so confused by my feelings, and I wasn't ready to acknowledge what was going on in my mind, or my body for that matter. Just as I was wondering what to say to him, my phone chimed and I looked down to see a message from Lara, asking me if there was any progress.  
"It's Lara," I said, opening the message. "I need to go." I sidestepped him and walked out of my office, walking purposefully as I texted her to let her know I was on my way over to see her.  
"Good news, Lieu?" asked Carisi as I breezed past him out of the squad room. All eyes came to face me, but there was only one set that I could feel literally burning into the back of my head.  
"He took the deal," I replied matter of factly. "Im off to see Lara now."

"I'll come too," came that all too familiar voice, and she was suddenly beside me, grabbing her jacket and purse from her desk opposite Sonny's. The smell of her perfume ignited something in me, a scent I had come to both crave and dread. Just like spending time with her. I physically craved being close to her, the sound of her voice, her big green eyes... But I had also come to dread being around her, so confused by everything I felt, and she knew it. That was the hardest part. She knew what she was doing to me, and although I had to give her credit for backing off since the incident when she'd turned up here unannounced that evening, she definitely wasn't prepared to let the spark between us go. There were subtle glances, knowing looks. Letting her eyes linger on me for just that second too long. And now, after managing to avoid being on my own with her for the past two weeks, here we were. It was inevitable, of course it was. It was unrealistic to think I could avoid her forever. She had spent a lot of time with Lara over the past couple of weeks, and she needed to come first. So I quietly took a breath and turned to look at her, smiling.

"Okay. Let's go"

We stepped into the elevator and my heart was thudding in my chest. Despite the fact she was my Sergeant, we hadn't interacted too much over the last couple of weeks. There hadn't been any major cases, and she was really good at her job. She'd taken a lot of pressure off of me, I barely had to delegate to her, she jumped right onto any case with ease and she'd won the squad over quickly. There had been a different atmosphere in the squad room since Gracie had arrived. She had a way about her, everyone was relaxed in her presence. Everyone, that was, except me. And it wasn't just when she was around. I was slowly having to admit to myself that I was completely infatuated by this woman. She fascinated me, the thought of her made me smile, and I was incredibly confused with everything I was feeling. I felt completely mixed up in something that I had never felt before. When I had finally relented all those months ago, and seen a therapist, I'd learnt a lot about myself. My relationships had never lasted, and it was something I had become so used to, it had just been the way it was. It had taken exploring it, taking notice of it for the first time in my life, to realise it wasn't normal to be unable to sustain a relationship. More than that, it wasn't normal to not _want _to share my life with someone else. In all honesty, it hadn't really changed anything. Yes, I'd understood myself better, but my feelings hadn't changed. I knew I had built walls around myself, it made me feel safe. And then there was Gracie. It was like she had awakened something in myself that I couldn't turn it off. And damn, I had tried. To start with it was the fact that she was female. But now it was so much more than that. I'd seen the most amazing tree in Central Park on a rare morning off a few days ago, and my first thought was wanting to show her, knowing she'd appreciate the beauty of it and see it through my eyes. Every morning ordering my coffee, I would have to refrain from ordering her a tea. She might avoid coffee, but I hadn't been able to help but notice she drank copious amounts of tea and I'd smile at the thought of it. The point was, I wanted to _share _things with her, and spend time with her. And her beauty. God, it shined from the inside out. She was physically stunningly striking, but it was so much more than that. She had so much genuine compassion for everyone and everything and it radiated from her. She had spent the past two weeks working crazy hours, doing amazing detective work, supporting victims right into the early hours if they needed it, all the while making a massive effort to get to know each member of the squad individually. She'd quickly picked up on each of their unique strengths and offered massive encouragement as she delegated.

I kept my concentration on my phone as she shrugged on her jacket and then lent her back against the wall, facing me as the air in the elevator practically crackled between us.


	6. Chapter 6

**Second chapter in one day to try and make uo for my lack of updating! Enjoy :)**

Gracie's POV

We pulled away from the precinct and into the busy late afternoon Manhattan traffic. I shifted slightly in my seat so that I could look at Olivia, who hadn't said two words to me since we'd left for Lara's. The sparks were flying in the silence, and I took the time to look at her hands on the wheel, perfectly tanned with long elegant fingers. I could tell by her shoulders that she was tense, and as much as I had enjoyed making her feel uncomfortable in the beginning, I didn't like that she was feeling so uncomfortable around me. I had done what I could to keep my distance since she'd shot me down, and actually despite my ever growing feelings, I was taking my new role seriously and had worked hard to integrate myself into the squad. I had surprised myself at how much I was growing to enjoy being back with Special Victims. It had been nowhere near the nightmare I was expecting it to be, and that was definitely largely down to the brilliant squad in Manhattan. And I was especially fond of the ADA, Barba. Not only did I have massive respect for him and how fearless he was in the courtroom, but I really liked him as a person.

"So, Barba," I began, hoping some common ground would ease Olivia's tension slightly. They clearly had a personal connection. But before I could continue, she butted in.

"It's really not like that with us", she said, annoyance and sincerity clear in her voice.

I couldn't helped but let out a small laugh,

"Well I was just about say how great he is, but thats definitely good to know", I grinned. I could almost hear the embarrassment rising up inside of her.

"It's just... it's an assumption a lot of people make and it annoys me", she said, not looking at me. That was probably true, but we both knew that isn't why she'd been quick to jump in to tell me they weren't more than friends.

"Mmmm, yeah." I had a hint of sarcasm in my voice. I wasn't letting her off that easily. "Honestly though, I really like him. Although to be fair, I did think he was an arrogant bastard when I first met him."

She let out a laugh then, her hands loosening slightly on the wheel.

"Yeah, he's great at rubbing people up the wrong way. We didn't always see eye to eye when he first came in as our ADA. We still don't from time to time to be honest, but things run deeper with us now."

"Yeah, I've noticed that. He really cares about you. As does everyone in your squad, FYI", I said with honesty, and could see her tense again quickly. I looked at her, really looked at her, thinking how amazing she was as both her role as Lieutenant and as a detective. And yet the thought of anyone thinking this made her feel uncomfortable, and I felt genuinely sad for her for a moment. I was just about to mention this when she changed the subject.

"So, sergeant at 35. Pretty impressive."

"Well, you are the first one to mention it and not ask me who I had to sleep with so thank you for that." She glanced over at me then, and I had an instant instinct to lean over and kiss the smile that was dancing slightly on her lips. She raised an eyebrow and shifted her focus back to the road, rolling eyes as she did so.

"So what's the _real _story?"

"Ummm, you don't have to pretend you haven't read my jacket", I replied. I eyed her steadily, trying to catch her expression from sideways on. She pursed her lips, nodding slightly.

"You're right, sorry. I guess I just wanted to hear it from you." I paused, contemplating what to say to her. She clearly sensed my hesitation, because she looked at me again with those dark eyes, that I'd been constantly drowning in since the morning I'd arrived at Manhattan SVU.

"I have no agenda here, Gracie. You absolutely aced the sergeants exam, and got transferred out to patrol at the 22nd. You were only on the beat for four months before they brought you back into homicide, and I'll just come out with it, I don't believe the reports in your jacket. You don't have to tell me, I'll settle with their crap about needing to fill the Sergeants post at homicide quickly. But I know there's more to it. I guess I'm just trying to say, you can trust me. I know there's more to it than that." We were approaching Queens, but Lara lived way out the other side and I shuffled in my seat, sitting toward and looking out of the window. I wanted to talk to her about it. After what had happened at Brooklyn SVU, I'd closed myself down so much, it felt alien. But sat here in this car with her, this magnificent woman who I barely knew yet was completely drawn in by, I felt almost compelled to confide in her. I couldn't deny that it felt good, to feel the barriers come down slightly.

"I was young. I'd barely spent much time on the street as it was before taking the detectives exam, so I guess I was a little out of my depth. Anyway, I rock up at the 22nd, barely 33, to a squad of uni's that were all pretty tight. And predominantly male, most of them older than me. Long story short, most of them weren't happy that an inexperienced female was Sergeant on their beat, and the ones that didn't mind, didn't mind a little _too _much." I moved my head back around from the window as we stopped in traffic, and she was looking at me. For the first time, her eyes were unguarded, and I looked straight back at her. Everything around us seemed to stand still, and my body tingled as I became consumed in her face and the way she was looking at me. Her facial features had softened, her mouth slightly parted and it was all I could do not to take her face in my hands and pull her to me.

All of a sudden, cars started beeping their horns making us both jump, and just like that the moment was over. She began concentrating on the road ahead again as we began to move, and made the rest of the journey to Lara's in silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**So just a short chapter to try and keep uploading more consistently! Next one will be longer, and we'll finally find out why Gracie left SVU in Brooklyn... Enjoy!**

Olivia's POV

I stood with Amanda and Carisi at the two way mirror, watching the interview unfolding in interrogation one. Amanda and Carisi had just come back from Mercy General, and had heard a pretty harrowing story from the 12 year old that had been taken there by his physical ed teacher. In the interrogation room sat his foster Dad, looking every bit the model citizen. Dressed in chinos and a casual button down, the skinny man on the other side of the table to my two detectives pushed his glasses up his nose.

"So let me get this straight," Fin began, sitting back and folding his arms. "You have _no_ idea why there was blood in his track shorts, or why we've just been told by a Dr whose examined him that there are obvious signs of forcible penetration?"

Gerry Kennedy just sat there, arms by his side, with no obvious reaction. I'd usually be watching more closely for signs of deception, or trying to get a sense of the suspects character. But I was too focused on Gracie, who had remained completely quiet, sat to the left slightly, her chair angled at the table. Her long blonde curls were hiding her face and the top half of her body language, but something was off. I was constantly distracted by her, to the point where it was affecting my work, but this was different today. The weeks had gone by, and we'd found ourselves alone together often and as I'd come to terms with my feelings, things were more relaxed between us despite the growing tension. I couldn't help but return her flirtatious banter, and would hold her gaze, looking deeply into those emerald green eyes. They were intense, and addictive, giving off an air of letting you into her soul. Yet as I'd gotten to know her, I'd seen the hidden layers in them, the parts of herself she was holding back. She was a hard worker, constantly buzzing around giving off a carefree vibe and chatting away with the squad lightheartedly. But there was pain underneath it all. She was complex, there was so much of her I hadn't gotten to know yet.

One thing I did know, was she was _good _at interrogation. Really good. Yet today she had said nothing, and she'd been tense since we'd caught the case this morning. She had tried to give off her usual egotistical bravado, but hadn't quite been able to pull it off.

"Buddy, I'll level with you," Fin continued. "You can sit there, and say nothing, but the evidence is stacking up against you. Once that rape kit comes back, we'll have everything we need so why don't you do yourself a favour and start talking?"

Kennedy finally reacted for the first time, smirking as he folded his arms, and before I knew what was happening Gracie had flown around the desk and grabbed him by his shirt. He literally flew out of his seat as she yanked him out of it and flung him around, slamming him up against the wall.

"Think you're untouchable, Gerry? Do you? Because I promise you, you aren't." By this point, Fin had gotten up and was making his way around to them as I ran into the room and beat him to the pair as she pulled him forward and slammed him back into the wall again. I grabbed her, underestimating her strength as she managed to keep hold of him whilst evading my attempts to pull her off of him. Fin somehow managed to manoeuvre himself in between Gracie and Kennedy, finally forcing her to let go of him. I dragged her back and swung her around.

"Get out. NOW." She pushed past me and I blew out a breath, turning around to face a pretty shaken up Kennedy. I looked to Fin, who nodded. After working together for 18 years, we understood each other to the point where sometimes nothing needed to be said.

"Sit down," I heard Fin order as I made my way out of the interrogation room.  
"Carisi, get in there and help Fin with that prick." He quickly went through the door and Amanda and I stood looking at each other.

"Where is she?" I asked, not really sure what the hell I was thinking, or feeling.

"She left. What the hell was that?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, turning to look into the squad room. "I really don't know."


End file.
